Attachment Styles Explained
- Zachary Herron
- Jun 3
- 2 min read
When we connect with others, we're following invisible patterns laid down in our earliest relationships. These patterns — our attachment styles — shape how we love, trust, and relate throughout our lives. Yet many people I see struggle to understand why relationships feel so challenging. Attachment theory offers us a map to how we interact and engage with others. It is most commonly discussed as four main styles: secure, anxious, avoidant, and disorganised.
Secure attachment develops when our caregivers consistently meet our needs. A person learn to trust easily, communicate clearly about feelings, and maintain healthy boundaries. They believe they're worthy of love and that others are generally reliable—a foundation that creates stable, fulfilling relationships.
Anxious attachment emerges when caregiving early on was inconsistent. These people often fear abandonment, seek reassurance, and feel intensely in relationships. They might think, "If I could just love enough, try harder, be more, perhaps then I'll be truly seen." Their emotional world is marked by hyper vigilance—constantly scanning for signs of rejection by their partner, or those around them.
Our earliest templates aren't our destiny—they're starting points we can grow beyond.
Avoidant attachment forms when independence was more beneficial to them then emotional connection. These individuals maintain distance, value self-sufficiency, and may struggle with deep intimacy. Their internal narrative might be, "I don't need anyone. Relying on others only leads to disappointment." Behind this protective shield often lies a fear of vulnerability rather than disinterest.
Disorganised attachment results from relationships that were frightening or chaotic. These individuals simultaneously crave and fear closeness, creating confusing relationship patterns that can feel impossible to navigate.
Understanding your attachment style isn't about labelling yourself but recognising patterns may have developed in early life to keep you safe, but now may no longer serve you. Our earliest templates aren't our destiny—they're starting points we can grow beyond. The journey toward secure attachment begins with awareness. By recognising these patterns, we take the first step toward healing. Therapy is a safe place to take these steps towards moving beyond past attachment styles.
